The tidal waves of anxiety + depression
It’s not an easy thing to talk about, literally. I think that’s why it’s not talked about at all... I’m here to say you’re not alone. I actually wrote this in 2019 when I was really struggling with anxiety more so than depression. When it hits you, it hits you. For some reason around my birthday each year I always get hit with it. It’s not that I am afraid of getting older by any means. I am actually the opposite of that. I am really excited. Anxiety is unexplainable and frustrating and a real B to cipher through when the waves of emotions hit you.
Anxiety & depression
What gives you hope in seasons of the chaos is knowing you’ve been there before in the tide pool of lies & you overcame it. It’s not every day that you feel this way. You occasionally get hit by the powerful waves before and you’ve also experienced the smoothest of waters too.
In this tide pool during stormy weather brewing in your brain, you’re convinced that you are the most annoying human being on this planet, you become reclusive, you over analyze every encounter you have, sleepless nights, and sometimes tear filled eyes. Getting out of bed & taking care of yourself is hard, telling yourself you’re worthy, beautiful & strong is even harder. To others it seems like you fell off the cliff into the pool for no reason at all. “You live a good life. What’s there to be sad about?”, they say. Honestly you don’t know why either, you’re just as confused and frustrated for feeling this way. You sometimes question if there is something wrong with you. You feel like you’re the only possible human being going through this.
You feel like you’re drowning for not reason. It’s so much easier said than done to just climb the walls of the tide pool and snap out of it.
In the mist, it feels like getting slammed against the walls of the tide is easier than reaching for a helping hand. Each tide comes in and you get knocked back down because the enemy says, “You are unworthy + all alone.” When you aren’t getting hit by the waves you know these are lies. It’s your hope to stay afloat.
Loved ones reach from the cliff feeling helpless to pull you out, because to them it feels like you stubbornly won’t reach to them. The enemy is telling you, you’re a failure to everyone that was once around you, your perfectionist ways & that you are alone.
Fighting against the waves each time & you’re getting so close to reaching up for anyone to save you. You’re exhausted & beat down by lies of Satan. You begin to believe the lies that people think you’re just begging for attention, so you recluse back. You being reclusive says it all in your mind. Trying to find a way to settle your anxiety of how you’re feeling without being too needy or asking for too much.You’re looking for a way to find the strength to not drown in your thoughts, alone.
You somehow find God’s strength in the mist of the rough waters, you’ve been in this tide before & it’ll eventually calm down through His love.
You don’t even understand the spouts of unexplainable soul sucking Satan tides of depression - life is good, you read your bible and talk with Jesus daily. You can’t explain yourself and feel guilty for feeling this way. You aren’t suicidal, you’re just feeling sad and can’t explain it. Maybe you never worked through emotions of your childhood, deaths, or hard times.
You hold on, knowing there is a God above + people who care and that you won’t allow yourself to drown in Satan’s vices & the negativity he speaks to you.
When waves hit with a force making you feel like you’re drowning in a tide of lies, stay strong and really reach for God and friendships that bring guidance during these times. Don’t be afraid to seek counsel to help cipher through your thoughts. Your loved ones might not always understand but please note that you are not alone, you are worthy, and you’re allowed to feel what you’re feeling.
Love + Light,
Syd
