Real talk here, lately I’ve really felt attacked by the enemy. He’s made me feel as if my existence wasn’t good enough in all areas of life. Which is so not true, but the devil is a sneaky guy who loves to tell you otherwise. I have felt a great wave of loneliness and uncertainties. Normally I’d define it as anxiety but in this case it really wasn’t. I’ve just been a negative a-hole to myself listening to the devil telling me I’m not worthy in my work, my friendships, my body, etc.
I’m forever grateful to have a husband who understands that living away from family isn’t always easy for me. Saturday Walk literally packed up with no questions asked and head home with me. He gets me. In times of loneliness and self doubt Walker knows all I want to do is be with him and my family.
Sunday night I went for a run in my hometown while on my run I got a sense of peace that came over me while talking to God. It then lead to me crying while watching the sunset over the stadium. Without God, my husband, and my family, I don’t know where I would be. God’s unconditional love was so powerful yesterday. While seeking Him so much was brought to my attention.
He spoke a lot of truth to me that I need to seek him more and let my family speaks truth and life to me even when it’s hard to hear.
In the past my family and even some close friends I’ve really put on the back burner for temporary friends, busyness, excuses, social events, and drinking. Temporary things that just left me feeling more alone and empty as ever. I am a creature of habit. I was feeling myself slowly but surely venturing down that road all thanks to the stupid devil who sometimes chills on my shoulder from time to time whispering self sabotaging havoc in my brain.
Yesterday God reminder me He will always be there to speak life into my heart and love me with open arms and lead me to happiness. Spending time with Him brings life and joy. He reminds me I am not alone and suppose to do life alone.
He blessed me with Walker, my family, and close life long friends. Yesterday’s feelings was overwhelming yet extremely hydrating and rejuvenating for me soul.
All that being said, I prayed to feel my worth through His love. I happened to pass a honeysuckle field (and I have been dying to do a session in one) so I reached out to an old school mate. I did this session and it’s exactly what my creative side needed to feel that fire and my worth. I truly believe if I weren’t seeking God and spending time with my family... I wouldn’t have had that session happen. Actually I know it wouldn’t have because my butt woulda still been in Oklahoma.
My prayers for you is that if you feel alone or uncertain spend sometime with God and your family. Let them speak truth to you. It’s good for your soul and they’ll lead you in the right direction.