Here are somethings I've learned about life in the course of picking up my camera. You'll never know your fullest potential in life if you live scared. I went a whole year after Walker, my husband bought me my camera before I picked it up again. I tried it the first night I got it and I was so intimidated by it. Now almost two years ago, I'm reflecting on it. I am absolutely nowhere where I want to be, but I now recognize how far I've come and I have some purpose here and I just don't know what that is quite yet. Whether it's to have fun with it or to start a business with it. I really don't know, but I am very curious about it and I can't go a day without thinking about it. Honestly, lately my sleep has been suffering horribly because I can't get my brain to shutdown.
I've always been scared of failure. I made myself a promise year ago, I told myself I was going to start stepping out of comfort zones, it's been a hard habit to break... I still fall short at times. From friendships, social events, church groups, to getting out to taking pictures. If I wouldn't have made that promise, I truly believe I would be living dull. I've met a lot of unique people stepping out on the ledge. I believe God plants and prunes certain people in our lives to humble us, expose raw emotions, and help us grow to our fullest potential.
I got hung up on comparing myself to a photographer from across the country thinking, "Gosh I wish I knew how to do this and that. I thought, I don't think I am ever going to feel 100% confident with what I am doing. Then I read an article another photographer wrote about how comparison is pretty much the thief of all joys. WHICH IS SO TRUE. I was getting so down on myself thinking I just wasn't good enough. Rather thinking about how far I've come and how much joy I get from it. Really the only thing we should compare ourselves with is ourselves. The person we were a year, a week ago or even a day ago. After seeing her post she shared comparing her work over the course of the year, I decided I was going to go see how far I've come.
I compared pictures from roughly a year ago compared to where I am at now. Not that I don't still love the pictures I took a year ago because that was a season in which I grew in. If I wouldn't have had people helping me and leading me along the way I really don't think I would have even come this far. So to the people have helped me in this past year, thank you. Your service was far more appreciate than you probably will ever know. Whether I do well financially or not, I love the feeling I get from creating.
Walker and I were talking just the other day about some stuff that was on my mind. I told him my long term goals, and how fortunate I was to have someone help me out when I was absolutely clueless and he then started to say something along the lines of, "How come you have to study up on stuff and looking at other photographers crap for "inspiration." He always gives me a hard time when I am drooling over Oregon photographers work and showing him every picture I come across.
He then said, "Oh come on Syd, you're smart & creative it can't be that hard to pick up a camera and shoot a picture." (Typical male comment)
I replied, "It's kind of like your hunting, you had to start somewhere and luckily where you started was your dad. You can't just pick up a bow and expect for it to dead on bulleye every time. It takes practice and learning about it before you actually perfect it. You had you dad there to help you, someone you could go to without the awkwardness of feeling like you look like an idiot, your because you don't want to seem like you're jumping into something you know nothing about, and you didn't have to worry about maybe later being in competition with your dad like you're trying to out shoot him or take over his territory. Luckily you were young enough that your dad was there to guide you, teach you everything you needed to know, and he was someone who wanted to see you succeed no matter what the cost. When you were younger you had your dad who had the same interest as you and helped you get the the gear and camo you needed to hunt. I know for certain camo, trail cams, and deer stands aren't cheap. Kind of like photography equipement isn't cheap either. Lets just say, you wanted to make a hunting guide business out of it all before you got your camo, deer stands, bow, everything would be expensive starting out. But whether you made a business out of it and made little to no money you would still enjoy hunting correct?"
He of course replied, "Well of course I would."
I then began to say, "The point I am trying to make here is everyone has to start somewhere & just like your hunting, you enjoy it and you don't make anything out of it. You create your happiness & photography brings me the same kind of happiness you get from sitting in the woods."
After putting my views into a different perspective he started to realize where I was coming from. Sometimes you just have to break things down rather than getting frustrated with someone if they aren't understanding you point of view. A lot of times we struggle with putting things into perspective.
Any who God puts everyone on this earth for a reason and it's our responsibility to get out and find that reason. Another one of our responsibilities to help our neighbors or family to expose the raw truth of their existence in positive ways in the mist of trying to find our own truths for existence. I think I'm on the path to finding my calling and that's to get out, create, and interact with people. I know one thing I want to create a platform to show people it's okay to empower other people and bring people up.