Be your own tourniquet.
♾️🛠️🧠🤍🫂
“You bled your whole soul into things you can't control. In a world you'll never satisfy.”⠀
I heard Zach Bryan’s song Tourniquet and took a different spin on things. I love the song and it made me think about how often I’ve leaned into people and things to “stop the bleeding” for it to later end up worse.
Soooo after 15 years and a lot of things in my life has happened I started up therapy again. I was put in therapy in high school due to severe depression. I went for 3 years and college happened. Stopped going when I probably needed it most. Anyways, 15 years or so later I’ve decided it’s time to do the work.
I have to be my own tourniquet by doing the positive work to heal and to truly stop the bleeding. I’ve stopped the bleeding in a lot of areas but there’s a few I feel like I could do better at… so I’m doing talk therapy with EMDR to hopefully help work it out.
⠀You know I’ve always kept it real when it comes to mental health on here. I haven’t shared much because honestly I’ve been in a really good place. Truly, life couldn’t be better. I have two healthy kids, a supportive hardworking husband, and a really good life. I can’t complain.
There’s just a couple things I want to know I’m putting the work in on, so I started therapy up 3 months ago. It’s been enlightening and I’ve been loving the person I’m seeing glimpses of. I started therapy up because I want to be the best wife, mom, and friend possible for the people truly in my corner. I also want to truly have love and appreciate for myself, my journey, my body, and thoughts.
I’m 31 now, a mom, and on the rare occasion I even leave my house I’m back home by 11pm at the latest. Anxiety hangovers suck and it’s no longer worth it to me.
I’m no longer in a place of “trauma bonding at the bar” with a friend to work out my problems like I occasionally did at 21. I’m done with the word vomits I practically projectile vomit onto my husband each and every night while laying in bed. All due to overthinking every possible thing in my lifetime and worrying if I’m a good enough mom, friend, or wife.
Needless to say, it was time to actually pay a licensed human to stop the bleeding and ditch the emotional baggage bs I’ve been hauling around with me for X amount of years.
Food, toxic friendships/relationships, alcohol, shitty coping mechanisms, whatever it might be can distract you but did doesn’t fix the root problems. It’s a vicious cycle to be stuck in. 🔄
I’m out with the old of toxic bs and I’m in with the new of overall health and wellness. Physically, mentally, how I spend my time, and what I put my energy into.
I haven’t drank drankkkk in well over a year and damn it feels good to get out of that cycle. I’ve had a beer here and there and not over doing it has helped my anxiety tremendously. I noticed it when I was pregnant with Auggie and not drinking how good I felt. My gut health is the best it’s ever been. Gut to brain axis is a real thing yall. If you’re wondering what life without alcohol is like I promise it’s better than you think.⠀⠀
Being a parent somedays is tough. If you’re in a place of learning to truly love yourself, healing, and trusting the process of stopping the bleeding… I see you putting in the work.
Anxiety & depression sucks and creeps in at the worst times bleeds into areas of your life. It speaks to you loudly and aggressively.
It’s your subconscious mind trying to abrasively address things you need work on within yourself. It can be triggersome and blahhhh to face full on but it’s worth it. Especially for your kids and your inner child. ⠀
If you’re in the process of rewiring some things going on up in your dome and you’re current squared up with your old self 🥊 I see you. I get you. ⠀⠀
You got this. We got this. 🧠❤️🩹
Love always,
Syd
#mentalhealthawareness
